i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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