what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
