he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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