The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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