I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
