Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
