i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
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This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
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Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
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