You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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