I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
