im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
