the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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