why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
