I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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