upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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