Non-Jews are for practice
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.