Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
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Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
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It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
The uberlube is also flammable
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.