Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
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Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
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My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering