I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
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There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
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Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.