"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.