twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
