her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
