Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
