I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
