I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
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I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
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I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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