Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
