At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
