I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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