the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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