How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Just high enough for therapy.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
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