Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
porn star boner night. come get it.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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