You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
