just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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