Will you blow on my dice?
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
