My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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