I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
