Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
Terrible brother advice.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.