i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
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I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
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I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!