I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.