I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.