she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
reminds me of losing my job
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
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What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
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Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it