I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
even my farts smell like vagina
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
