I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
