I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
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