oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
that may or may not have been my penis.
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