I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
