I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
