my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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