sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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