Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
