You smell like a Billy Joel song
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
