hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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