So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?