TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.