If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.