Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass