All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.