I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
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Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
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Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂