everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
