your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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