i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
