I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
