; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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