Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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