Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
