hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
