my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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