New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
