I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
