dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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