I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
