Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
