Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
