Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
