You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Acid is not a monday night drug
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
