Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
